Archive for April, 2010|Monthly archive page

Tales From The Toilet Roll

In Uncategorized on April 25, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Why is it that children are born with their brains already wired to learn so much, yet they really know nothing about the bathroom?  I don’t know about other people but in my house of plenty the bathroom has become a regular playroom of sorts, a place to hide away and build secret forts, the bedroom for various barbies, little people and stuffies.  A lab for water experiments, and other explosive experiments I won’t discuss.  It is a reading room, an art room (who needs wall paper when you have children to smear god knows what on the walls along side their art work that wasn’t done in washable markers.) The toilets in our house have become the local pool for polly pockets, hot wheels, barbies, and planet heroes.  My 3 year old loves to play “daddy” and “fix” the toilet.  By the time he’s done my whole bathroom has become the community pool and it is now time to play Joe the plumber.

The fact that toilet paper actually costs money has no effect on my children.  I have tried to explain to them that the cost of 10 rolls wasted could be payment towards a trip to McDonalds or some other adventure.  My talks are useless, they still think it is okay to use toilet paper as kleenex (even though we may well have 20 boxes of kleenex in the hall cupboard) The boys think it is hilarious to place toliet paper across the tolilet bowl and use it as a target for well I am sure you get the idea.  Then there is that 3 year old of mine again who for some reason feels the need to wipe himself after peeing.  HELLO!  You are a boy!  My two youngest think toilet paper was really mean’t to be stuck to their butt hanging down as a long tail.  Funny. Not.  The bottom line is where the hell does all the toilet paper go?!  Really do they maybe eat it?  I wouldn’t put it past them.  But seriously I can put a new roll on the toilet paper holder and by the end of the day the roll is empty.  Maybe it is better I don’t know what happens to it.


Electrical Storm

In Daily life, Uncategorized on April 25, 2010 at 11:26 pm

I was trying to ignore yet another autistic daily meltdown, when my 10 year old son started telling me about some electrical storm that is heading our way. According to him the internet is going to be wiped out over the next 24 hrs! Asperger children are never wrong about things like this! Before time runs out, my last blog will be dedicated to clearing up a few myths about what life is really like with six children and a traveling husband.  

Sex still happens, after all, this is how I was awarded my position in hell my household.  Be prepared though, it won’t always take place in the bedroom!

No wall paper required. My children have ripped it and drawn all over the walls.

The bathroom is the local hangout for planet heroes and polly pockets.

Toilet paper doesn’t replace itself.

Duct tape is always on hand to tie the children up for emergencies.

“Spotless” and” toy free home” are not in my vocabulary.

My sleeves have been used to wipe snotty noses, and my socking feet to wipe up spills on the floor. (admit it, you’ve done it).

All my children are talented. Cutting bed sheets at age 4, peeing everywhere except in the toilet, setting up cable in their bedroom on their own, being a first class brat, drawing on walls, & talking on the phone for hours.

There is no such thing as childproof.

Parents of large families DO fantasize about being childless, at least for a few hours.

Meltdowns happen daily and more than once.

Family time really means sending your children outside and enjoying a glass of wine – alone.

Benadryl is my best friend.

** This blog was written for a contest.

Yes! They are all mine

In Uncategorized on April 21, 2010 at 3:57 am

Confession # 1: I was one of those women, who looked at your children misbehaving and swore I would never allow my children to behave in that manner. That was before I had my six brats children.

“Are they all yours?” this is the question I get asked on a daily basis by random people who just happen to see me with six children. After a while I get tired of it and start giving the following responses:

“No I found them on the street.”

“What children?”

“Holy shit! Where did they come from?”

“Why? Do you want them?”

Seriously though, what kind of question is that? If I only had three children hanging on to me, you wouldn’t ask. So let’s get it straight here. For the record, yes, they are all mine. Yes they all have the same father. Yes, I actually gave birth to all of them, and no, the three year old brute was not a mistake.

I realize that having more than 4 children is not the norm these days. Heck having more than two isn’t, but this is my reality so bugger off and stop being so rude!

That being said you may ask yourself what makes me so special just because I have six children and you don’t. Well for starters, as mentioned they are all mine from my first and only marriage (so far). Second, I have two children that are autistic, and three, my husband is never here. Yeah, yeah I know most husbands are not here with you (at least emotionally) but they are with you physically, even if they can’t remember how many children you have or their names, but we’ll get to that later.

My husband is only here about every three months or so because he runs a business out of the Province, but I am okay with this arrangement and why shouldn’t I be? I get money when I want it, and when he finally gets his butt home I have long delicious sex – when I feel like it. But most importantly, I am not expected to have some fabulous dinner every night at the table waiting for my great husband to come home after a long hard day at work and say “Honey you are too good to be true.” Damn right I am!

 Finally what makes me special is that I am real. I am a wife, a mother of 6, an advocate for all my children, and a bitch with a capital B!

About the 6packmom

In About the 6packmom, Uncategorized on April 21, 2010 at 3:23 am

Move over reality shows here comes the6packmom!  Not only do I have 6 children under the age of 12 but two have special needs and the 7th child (aka the hubby) works out of the Province and is only home about every three months or so.  This loud house is never dull and I am not afraid to tell it as it is.  The funny times, the sad times and the OMG I need to cry and run away times!  So sit back and join me for a wild berry (or whatever your pleasure is) and let me fill you in on what life is really like with 6 brats wonderful children! Cheers!