8packmom

Archive for May, 2010|Monthly archive page

Clean Up on Aisle 9!

In Daily life on May 31, 2010 at 3:55 pm

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

Because my husband works/lives out of the Province, I usually have to do the grocery shopping with all 6 children.  It may sound bizzare but it is actually easier to take all of them for the following reasons:

1. My two oldest usually help take the youngest ones in and out of car seats, entertain them by pushing the buggies like race cars, and they are well trained in the art of taking unwanted items out of the buggy that the 4 younger ones have thrown in while I was not looking – unless of course it is something that they have thrown in.

2. Arielle and Sebastian the two devils darlings usually entertain the youngest ones by pointing out all the things that they would want to have, but I under no circumstances will buy …… unless I have lost all control and cannot bear to hear the screams of anguish no perfect mommy here.

3. when I only have the two youngest they throw more tantrums and cause complete chaos because they haven’t the other 4 to keep them occupied.

I am no super mom and it isn’t easy having all of them so once we are parked , I give the scary mommy look.

“Okay you guys I am not kidding no monkey business!  No asking me to buy things, we are here for FOOD not candy and no toys.  Ryley no climbing out of the buggy, Arielle and Sebastian, no running around chasing each other and definately no screaming – Arielle!  Are you listening?” “NO SCREAMING! People are going to think you are a being taken away or something.”  “Marie, Josh no fighting.  Zachary, no calling people poopey head. Ryley no opening packages -”

“Mom! we get it!” says Sebastian.

Once we get into the store people tend to stare or smile – you know the smile I am talking about.  The smile that really is saying “Oh my gosh, is that really 6 children?  Are you crazy, you must be seeing as you have no control over them…”

It is at that point that I turn my gaze away from “the stare” to see Ryley standing in the freezer in the bakery section trying to to get a better view of the cakes on top.

Every time I go into a store I am sure I will get kicked out at some point for life.  I can see the sign by the cashiers…

BANNED FOR LIFE –  CRAZY LADY ARMED WITH 6 CHILDREN ALL UNDER AGE 11! 

Okay my children are not that bad…… most of the time.

As I head down the frozen food section, Zachary starts his usual “It’s cold!  Get out of here, you are all poopey heads!  I AM COLD!  You are mean mommy!”

“I know” I reply distracted.  Distracted by the outrageous amount of money for a bag of milk!  My children can go through a 4L bag in one day, so usually I buy it in bulk when on sale and freeze it.  It seems to me that every week I have to bug my DH for more money because my children are eating more (except for Joshua who has aspergers, ADHD, and a mood disorder but thats for another blog……)  OR my children are  eating more – which is probably the real answer considering Ryley not only knows how to escape from the house but how to open the freezer and get to the Freezies. I confess I do serve all types of junk to my children, it is great for those times when I’ve run out of duct tape sensible solutions. I place a few bags of milk in the buggy and tell the children they are not to drink a whole bag in one day (wishful thinking) when suddenly I hear a voice over the loud speaker.

“Clean up on aisle 9 – repeat – clean up on aisle 9.”

RYLEY! 

 I slowly count to 10, turn around and try not to laugh.  With a look of determination and satisfaction Ryley sits on the floor with an open popsicle box and about 23 popsicles scattered all over the floor.  Shoving a grape one in his mouth he tells us all it is “Yummy”.

The other children and I try to get them back into the box and throw it in the cart.  I pick Ryley up and place him back in the buggy for the 5th time.  If someone could design a seat belt for grocery carts that children actually couldn’t escape from I would be one happy gal!

I tell the children we are done, head over to the cashier so I can once again feel violated over the cost of  groceries, and wonder who is sneaking around to get my photo for my banned for life poster.  I wish I had at least been able to wash my hair today!

So at the end of this typical day, I can give myself a pat on the back for a job well done.  Ryley and the others took a lesson to heart – when you really want something don’t let anything stop you – go for it!

What must the Neighbours Think!

In Daily life on May 31, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Saturday, June 27th, 2009

So after a busy day of tae kwon do tournament, dance recital and birthday party I was finally able to sit down with a friend of mine and a wildberry volka cooler and just watch my children play in the back.  Joshua has been put on risperdal and appears to be somwhat calmer.  He was playing with a kite that he stole out of a birthday present bag that is for Arielle’s friend. One of those little things I have learn’t not to get upset about.  So all was okay –  Marie and Arielle were performing a dance for us, Ryley was trying to copy them and then suddenly out of nowhere comes spiderman leaping across the lawn trying to take out Marie and Arielle.  Yes Spiderman!  Okay really it was Sebastian but he looked adorable in his new spiderman mask and gloves.  Thats when it suddenly got really loud.  Ryley then decides to run out of the back yard to chase Joshua who was attempting to fly his kite down the street, then Spiderman runs out chasing Ryley then Zachary follows screaming “Spiderman wait!”  So picture it with me –

My Aspie oblivious to all except his kite running down the street attempting to fly the kite, 3 year old chasing Joshua, Spiderman chasing babe, 4 year old screeching after spiderman.  Then comes me!  Screaming after all of them to get back to the house, of course they have no interest in what I have to say and just carry on.  They then turn around and start running towards me laughing.  Then whack!  Josh’s kite hits a tree, the string snaps and the kite is stuck up in the tree branch. 

By this time the new neighbor who has moved in a few houses down looks at us like we are crazy and rushes back into her house.  I think maybe she saw the sign at the grocery store warning people about me and my wild children.

So we all march back to the house (except for Josh who is very upset and guarding the kite)  we retrive the lengthy pole for the pool and go back to the tree where we are successful in our rescue of the kite.  As we head back towards home Marie and I are carrying the pole.  Ryley then jumps up and hangs on the pole as we walk swinging like a monkey.

If the neighbors didn’t think we were a bit crazy before they surely do now!

Mommy Meltdown

In Daily life on May 31, 2010 at 3:39 pm
March 23rd, 2010 by 6packmom

Today I cried.  I had finally had it.  Having children on the spectrum really sucks, and I have gone on for so long with just “dealing with it” every day that it finally happened.  Mummy meltdown.  Not to have a poor pity me session but seriously it was bound to happen.  How long did I think I could actually go on here with 6 children, no help, and two on the spectrum.  Granted there are other children who have far worse disabilities, but here in this household it is bad enough.  The worse thing about having a child on the spectrum is that the do not look like they have a disability.  They look so typical.  But back to the mummy meltdown.  It was probably brewing over March break as each child came down with a nasty stomach bug, one after the other.  So when it was back to school today I was glad to be back into the regular routine.  However, my Joshua had a rough time getting back into the school thing and didn’t want to go.  I finally managed to get him into the truck and over to the school, but once there he put up a terrible fight and wouldn’t get out.  I had to call out the VP who fortunately for me is a great guy and totally gets Joshua.  So after about 15 minutes of Joshua screaming, kicking, hitting and trying to run off, the VP managed to get him under control and into the school and so I left.

Then I cried.  Hard.  The flow of tears felt like it would never end.  For half an hour I allowed myself to scream “why me?”  I allowed myself to yell at all those ignorant people who claim Autism can be cured by diet, or other things that only give us parents false hope. I allowed myself to feel the guilt and shame that comes along when my son chases the garbage man in his truck down the street screaming for him to give back his stuff, or when he has violent outbursts, or when he has a meltdown in the grocery store.  I allowed myself to feel guilty about not being able to spend more quality time with my 4 typical children because Zak and Josh require me 24 / 7.  I allowed myself to be me, not the supermom people think that I am.

Then I stopped.  Wiped away the tears.  I am a wife, a bitch and the biggest advocate for my all of my children.  I am a momof6 who only has time to feel sorry for herself for about half an hour, once a month or so.  Times up. 

In About the 6packmom on May 28, 2010 at 3:10 am

All This and More

 Journey of the 6PackMom

             The difference between this and a circus is that circuses run with a sense of order.  Chantel Kowdrysh loves her children, all six of her children, all six of her noisy, crazy, joyous, running about screaming, pushing, fighting, ADHD child, and developmentally issued children.  It doesn’t matter if they are enjoying the hell of shopping together, the nightmarish adventure of traveling anywhere together, the insanity of school mornings or the quiet tenderness of a few moments between mother and child.  She’s determined to make it work, or go even more insane trying.

             Chantel has been taught a great many valuable life skills from having so many children all under the age of twelve.  She has learned how to balance the needs of each one against the needs of them all.  She has learned how to make each child feel special and singular in their own way, and most important, she has discovered that it is not the correct approach to strangle those other moms who give her the stare the screams “Can’t you control your children?” and instead responds with the following “Try it as an estranged wife of a husband who works out of province and only comes home, at gunpoint, under the threat of death!”  That usually keeps them quiet. 

            Chantel spends what quiet time she can get writing for the magazine Mississauga Kids, and various parenting web sites. If she cannot be found at her laptop sipping a wildberry, then she can be found behind the wheel of her big suv, with a Timmies triple, triple.

            A former Canadian National Gymnast, she traded in her six pack abs for a six pack of kids and now she is looking for the keg.

excerpt from book

In Uncategorized on May 25, 2010 at 5:00 am

Confession #2 I used to be Go-Go dancer and very sexy. Then I had children.

It was never part of the plan to have so many children, it just kind of happened.  I guess it didn’t help that my husband, like most men, loves sex.  (Okay.  I admit it, so do I, but that’s beside the point).  After the first offspring was conceived, it just made sense that by the time she was 6 months old she should have a sibling.  Well it made sense to me at least. And so that is how it started.  I became a baby machine maker of sorts.  Penis in, maybe for more than a few minutes if I was lucky, baby conceived, bye, bye sexy body, baby yanked out, feel like shit, let’s start again!  

            I truly believe that there is truth in the claim that women lose brain cells while pregnant. God knows how many I have lost but I am sure it is in the millions!  Hell, I had six children over the course of 8 years.  If I wasn’t pregnant, I was breastfeeding, if I wasn’t breastfeeding, I was drinking, if I wasn’t drinking then I was pregnant again.  I did make me feel good to be supporting the diaper industry. It’s just too bad they didn’t feel the same desire to support me by handing out free diapers!  I attempted to use cloth diapers, I mean why not? By the time my fourth was born I was up to about 3 loads of laundry a day anyhow.  Yeah right, that really lasted.  Suddenly I had even more laundry piling up, and if I didn’t have a baby on my boob, then I was changing a diaper because everything he took out of my boobs was now coming out – well you get the picture.  I just wasn’t ready to be supermom.  Not yet anyway. 

Speaking of supermoms if you are reading this then please stop now and go buy a Martha Stewart book.  If you choose to continue than I cannot be responsible for the ugly feelings that may be spewed within your brain.

Happy driving!

In Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 at 4:48 am

 

Here is an excerpt from the book I am writing

Confession #5: I used to drive a really hot 7 series BMW.  After my fourth child was born it was replaced with the mommy mobile – a huge ass sport ute.

Parenting experts suggest that when travelling in a vehicle with children, to be prepared.  Have a special bag of activities to help fight off boredom such as travel games, play “I spy”, color pictures, watch a movie blah, blah, blah.  These things sound great in theory until you actually put it to the test with six children all in the same vehicle!  Travel games are wonderful if you like them thrown at you while you are driving.  Why are they being thrown?  Because said children are fighting over who won, who cheated, and who doesn’t know how to play right. Need I go on?

            So for all of you parents attempting to create peace in your vehicles here are few things that have worked for me in my crazy life with six children.

1.  Always keep a bag stashed away full of junk food.  Yes, you read correctly, junk food.  Nothing stops two or more children fighting faster than junk.  I caution you however, do not keep chocolate in the vehicle.  There is nothing more disgusting than pulling out a melted chocolate bar!  The site of a melted chocolate bar is also a trigger for more fighting by children. (I call this chocolate bar blue balls).  Remember, always be one step ahead.  If you insist on being one of those earth muffin moms than I applaud you, and feel free to dish out the healthy snacks and forgo the junk food.  However, I can guarantee you the effect will not be quite as good.

2.  Have a tote full of coloring books for younger children and pads of blank paper or notebooks for older children so they can draw their own pictures or write a story.  CAUTION: If you have leather seating in your said vehicle DO NOT allow pens!  Ink is almost impossible to get off the leather!  Trust me I have experienced this first hand.   Instead, offer pencil crayons, crayons, or regular pencils.  Mechanical pencils can be more exciting, however, there is the possibility of children poking your leather or fabric seats, or simply poking each other. Washable markers would be another option, but I have yet to find markers that are actually really washable. 

3.  An option to watching a movie, is to listen to an audio cassette.  This allows the children to listen rather than have their eyes glued to the tube.  This may however, really start to get on your nerves.

4.  Portable gaming systems are great as long as each child has their own, and is not required to share.  Stuck in a car for too long, sharing can only happen for so long until the fighting starts up again.

5.  For trips lasting longer than ten minutes, pack extra clothing.  Actually it is even better to keep an extra bag in your vehicle with spare clothes and don’t forget the extra towels.

6.  Gravel is my best friend and can be yours too. 

v  If your children like to bicker and fight in the vehicle have them remove their shoes.  You never know when they might be used as weapons in the heat of the moment.  Such as was the following case.

            Zachary was mad at me for being the mean mommy and not taking them to Burger King.  Ryley decides to chime in and start whining for fast food as well.  I give them my mean mommy voice and tell them to shut the hell up please be quiet. It worked.  Crap!  Ryley’s shoe hits my head. Hard.  See what I mean?  Happy driving!

 

 

 

Please….scream louder

In Uncategorized on May 23, 2010 at 5:46 am

Well little Zachary has had a rough few weeks but the other day was a real woozie.  I seriously thought his screaming and meltdowns couldn’t get any worse.  It did.  On our way home from school Friday I pulled out of the kiss n’ ride and he started crying about his seat belt not feeling right.  Joshua who knows all to well when things “don’t feel right” tried fixing his belt.  The screaming and crying got louder as he complained it was twisted. It wasn’t.  But to a child on the spectrum it doesn’t matter if we don’t see it twisted.  He feels it and can’t cope.  Just before we got to our house Joshua adjusted it again.  I park the car in the driveway and all hell breaks loose as he starts screaming for me to turn around and go back we have to start all over.  He kicks the seat infront of his and gets hysterical when I tell him we can’t go back. 

I will let you in on a secret.  When Joshua was about the same age if I did not take the exact route home every day the same thing would occur and he would beg through his screaming and tears to please go back and start again because it wasn’t right.  This was before I knew anything was wrong and felt as though I somehow did something to distress my own child that yes, I would actually turn around and start all over just so I wouldn’t have to deal with a two hour meltdown.  Thankfully gas was cheaper then!

After about fifteen minutes of Zachary still in the car hitting me, screaming and refusing to let me take his seat belt off I finally got him into the house where he screamed, ripped up a picture he had done in school, and then ran out of the house screaming for me to take him back and start again.  I brought him back in only to have a meltdown of swearing, throwing things, hitting me, scratching, jumping up and down and begging me to please take him back.  Finally he was exusted after about an hour of this and started banging his head on the chair as he rocked back and forth with his blankie.  My 6 year old daughter Arielle and 7 year old son Sebastian were happy he finally had stopped and came downstairs out of hiding.

It can be difficult some days – okay most days – but as my little Ryley continued to sleep through it all, and my other 4 sat around Zachary (not too close of course) to listen as I read Zaks library book “Franklin and the dark” I realized that I couldn’t have asked for 6 better children.

Mommie Fashion Flunkie

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 9:03 pm

The other night I was talking to an old friend of mine and found out she is modelling.  Even though she is so very pretty, she does have a 7 month old for goodness sake! I was amazed and, yes, so jealous. 

I used to be pretty fashion savy up until about my 3rd child. Oh yeah, I had it all.  Sexy nighties (how else do you think I managed to have so many darn children!), designer outfits, cool boots, the works.  I always looked good – well at least I thought so.  Somewhere though between the 3rd and 6th child my wardrobe started replacing itself.  Suddenly I didn’t care if my face was made up, if my socks matched, or even if my hair was washed.  I just cared about making it through the day without going bonkers.  I had truly become a mommy fashion flunkie. I could actually become a model for all mothers out there only this is what I would be modeling:

Pyjamas that have been worn for a few days – wrinkled is the new in.

Tops that have various bodily functions embedded in them.  Lets face it after a few days the smell just blends in with the rest of your body odour.

Stained clothing is actually what I call mommy tie dye.

Baggy capris are my new best friend.

Elastic waist jeans are not just for toddlers.

Who says maternity clothing is just for pregnancy?

My husbands tee’s are now mine.

As for my hair I haven’t any. Over the years I have pulled it all out.

Any other mommy fashion flunkies out there?  I would love to hear from you!

Missed memo

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Somewhere between the first and sixth child I missed out on getting a really important memo: 

Dear crazy lady 

Now that you have officially made the decision to become a mother there is something you should know – NO SICK DAYS PERMITTED.  No typo, just pure fact crazy lady.  You may never ever get sick.On the other hand, your husband may do so as many times as he likes.  As well, while he is sick he may suck it up for all it’s worth, act like a baby (what is another one anyway?) lay down and moan all day, be served chicken noodle soup, tea, whatever he wants.  In bed or on the sofa of course, where he will be in charge of the remote control so he may watch whatever he wants on the boob tube.

On the other hand, you crazy lady, may not get sick, if do so you will still be in charge of waking  up the children in the morning, feeding them, getting them to school, cleaning the house, making sure all the laundry is completed (that means folded and put away) pick the children up from school, give them a snack, help with homework, and ensure that dinner is on the table on time. 

 If you are fortunate enough to have the children in bed on time, then my crazy lady you may take a few minutes to wallow in self pity on how you are ill and go to bed.Thank you for your time and co-operation,Sincerely Management for crazy ladies.

Did all you other moms out there miss the memo?  How do you deal with sick days? 

My Parenting Column

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 6:28 pm

I have always wondered how “Parenting experts” actually get that title.  Seriously what makes them experts?  Is it the fact that they have children, or that they are a Doctor, a psychologist? So if I have more than one dog would that make me an expert?  Well I have always wanted to have my own parenting advice column and considering I have six children maybe that makes me an expert.  I really don’t think so, but I do believe that I have lots of experience and advice that I could offer.  Here is an example of what my column might look like:

Dear 6packmom

My eleven year old daughter refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and when she finally does get up, she is grumpy and rude to everyone.  Do you have any suggestions for helping her have a better attitude in the mornings?

CL

Dear CL

Have you examined what time she is going to bed?  Although she may not appear to be tired when it is time for lights out, perhaps you need to adjust her bedtime for half an hour earlier.  Her refusal to get out of bed may indicate another type of problem altogether.  Perhaps she is attempting to avoid going to school.  Is she finding a particular subject too hard? Has she has a disagreement with a friend?  Friendship issues can be very complex at this age.  I would suggest seizing the moment when she is a good mood, to sit down and talk to her.  Explain to her that you are concerned about her behaviour in the mornings and ask her if there is anything you can do to help.  If nothing comes about from talking to her, or setting an earlier bedtime, then perhaps the old method of a cup of water on the head would be a better option?

Dear 6packmom

My children refuse to eat what I set out for them at dinner time.  Any suggestions?

LK

Have you actually taken a good look at what you are serving?  Have you yourself eaten it?  If you answered yes to both and still feel your cooking is good then here are a few suggestions.

Inform your children that if they do not wish to eat their dinner then you will undress right there at the table.  Trust me, the thought of their mother naked will get them gobbling up anything that may be on their plate!  Just be sure to follow through on that threat however.

If you are not prepared to get naked, then maybe serve dinner buffet style.  Most children are more willing to eat if they have a few options rather than being told what they have to eat.

Do not force them to “clean their plate” so called parenting experts suggest that by doing so you may actually enforce bad eating habbits and attitudes which may lead to eating issues later on in life.

If all else fails just let them be.  Do not allow them to leave the table until everyone else is done eating.  They won’t starve.

LOL Have any questions you want to shoot my way?  I will be more than happy to answer and offer what I can.

Till next time, the6packmom