Archive for July, 2010|Monthly archive page


In Uncategorized on July 6, 2010 at 5:29 am

            I walked into the kitchen today, and was startled to find out I have a new child.  That’s right I now have 7 children.  I discovered this other child this morning when I found pudding smeared all over my new freezer.  I called to the children and asked them who had made the mess.  All six of them replied in unison “Notme!”

            Okay so obviously Notme is a little shit disturber who only appears in our household when something I am not happy about takes place.  I have attempted to find him, but to no avail, and then suddenly he shows up around the same time that mischief starts to brew.

            Notme showed up when the laundry room window was broken, a Caillou doll was stuffed in the toilet, toilet paper was strewn from the bathroom into the hallway and up the stairs, and the play room had toys thrown all over the place.

            Now I don’t mind extra children roaming the house, in fact I often find life a lot easier when my children have friends over because I hear less about what a horrible person I am, how hungry they are, and how there is nothing to do in our boring house of six children.  But this other child Notme was becoming a real nuisance!

            Not that long ago I found six baskets of laundry (that had taken hours to fold I might add) deliberately dumped out all over the family room floor. The children informed me once again the culprit was Notme.  Obviously these bratty brilliant children of mine were not lying, considering they all told me it wasn’t them but of course Notme.

             A few weeks ago I found a dozen eggs broken and all over the kitchen counter.  Once again it was you guessed it – Notme who was at fault.  I ran outside and half way down the street trying to catch him but boy he is quick!  The children cheered me on and pointed in the direction he was apparently running, but let me tell you he must be invisible as well as fast because I couldn’t even see him!  

            Last night was the final straw.  As I lay in bed something just didn’t feel right.  I moved my feet about trying to get the sheets over them.  Something was seriously messed up.  I pulled back the blanket and let out a shriek.  My $470 dollar Ralph Lauren sheets had a bunch of cuts in them.  Cuts that were obviously made by scissors!  Not caring that the children were sleeping I went straight to Ryley’s room and shook him awake.

            “Was it you who cut up my sheets?” I demanded.

            He looked at me and sleepily answered “No mamma, it Wasntme!”

            Great! Obviously Notme has a brother named Wasntme!  How long do you think he’ll want to stick around?



In Mommy Politics on July 2, 2010 at 2:05 pm

                When I was pregnant with my sixth child I received so many unwelcome stares and comments it was seriously messed up.  I actually had one friend ask me how I could bring another child into this lousy messed world when I had already been blessed with five, one had special needs and my husband is never here. (let it be known she is no longer my friend). 

                How sad.  My other children thought there were many good reasons for me to have so many.

                I need a personal slave, someone to answer the cell phone while I m driving, someone to give directions when I am driving, find my missing truck keys, unload the groceries from the truck, and of course help put the younger children’s in their car seats.

                I needed children around the house to eat all the leftovers that even the neighbour’s dog wouldn’t touch.

                I need someone to shove out of the truck to save a spot in line at the movie theatre while I find a parking spot for the big truck.

                I need someone to run in to Timmies and get my coffee when there isn’t a drive throu.

                I need live- ins to help raise the younger children by taking them to the bathroom every five minutes and babysit for free.

                I need an excuse for my big ass and flabby upper arms.

                I need material for my Christmas newsletter and blogs.

                I need someone to practice psychiatry and medicine on (“if you don’t take your ADHD medicine you will become a wild beast!”)  and  (“Turn down the Ipod or you will go deaf!”)

                That’s their story. Mine of course is even more biased.

                I have brought so many children and will bring even more children into this lousy messed up world because when you love somebody they love you back and the world doesn’t seem so lousy and messed up.

                I have given them life because they have the same right I have been given to decide if this is a lousy messed up world or not.

                More than an image over the dining room table they are special to the universe now and will be when I am long gone.

                Some people decide to take the risk of becoming a parent to a child or children.  If we don’t, then who will be left to listen to ignorant people lament “I don’t want to bring a child into this lousy messed up world.”?