8packmom

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Mommie Fashion Flunkie

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 9:03 pm

The other night I was talking to an old friend of mine and found out she is modelling.  Even though she is so very pretty, she does have a 7 month old for goodness sake! I was amazed and, yes, so jealous. 

I used to be pretty fashion savy up until about my 3rd child. Oh yeah, I had it all.  Sexy nighties (how else do you think I managed to have so many darn children!), designer outfits, cool boots, the works.  I always looked good – well at least I thought so.  Somewhere though between the 3rd and 6th child my wardrobe started replacing itself.  Suddenly I didn’t care if my face was made up, if my socks matched, or even if my hair was washed.  I just cared about making it through the day without going bonkers.  I had truly become a mommy fashion flunkie. I could actually become a model for all mothers out there only this is what I would be modeling:

Pyjamas that have been worn for a few days – wrinkled is the new in.

Tops that have various bodily functions embedded in them.  Lets face it after a few days the smell just blends in with the rest of your body odour.

Stained clothing is actually what I call mommy tie dye.

Baggy capris are my new best friend.

Elastic waist jeans are not just for toddlers.

Who says maternity clothing is just for pregnancy?

My husbands tee’s are now mine.

As for my hair I haven’t any. Over the years I have pulled it all out.

Any other mommy fashion flunkies out there?  I would love to hear from you!

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Missed memo

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Somewhere between the first and sixth child I missed out on getting a really important memo: 

Dear crazy lady 

Now that you have officially made the decision to become a mother there is something you should know – NO SICK DAYS PERMITTED.  No typo, just pure fact crazy lady.  You may never ever get sick.On the other hand, your husband may do so as many times as he likes.  As well, while he is sick he may suck it up for all it’s worth, act like a baby (what is another one anyway?) lay down and moan all day, be served chicken noodle soup, tea, whatever he wants.  In bed or on the sofa of course, where he will be in charge of the remote control so he may watch whatever he wants on the boob tube.

On the other hand, you crazy lady, may not get sick, if do so you will still be in charge of waking  up the children in the morning, feeding them, getting them to school, cleaning the house, making sure all the laundry is completed (that means folded and put away) pick the children up from school, give them a snack, help with homework, and ensure that dinner is on the table on time. 

 If you are fortunate enough to have the children in bed on time, then my crazy lady you may take a few minutes to wallow in self pity on how you are ill and go to bed.Thank you for your time and co-operation,Sincerely Management for crazy ladies.

Did all you other moms out there miss the memo?  How do you deal with sick days? 

My Parenting Column

In Uncategorized on May 22, 2010 at 6:28 pm

I have always wondered how “Parenting experts” actually get that title.  Seriously what makes them experts?  Is it the fact that they have children, or that they are a Doctor, a psychologist? So if I have more than one dog would that make me an expert?  Well I have always wanted to have my own parenting advice column and considering I have six children maybe that makes me an expert.  I really don’t think so, but I do believe that I have lots of experience and advice that I could offer.  Here is an example of what my column might look like:

Dear 6packmom

My eleven year old daughter refuses to get out of bed in the morning, and when she finally does get up, she is grumpy and rude to everyone.  Do you have any suggestions for helping her have a better attitude in the mornings?

CL

Dear CL

Have you examined what time she is going to bed?  Although she may not appear to be tired when it is time for lights out, perhaps you need to adjust her bedtime for half an hour earlier.  Her refusal to get out of bed may indicate another type of problem altogether.  Perhaps she is attempting to avoid going to school.  Is she finding a particular subject too hard? Has she has a disagreement with a friend?  Friendship issues can be very complex at this age.  I would suggest seizing the moment when she is a good mood, to sit down and talk to her.  Explain to her that you are concerned about her behaviour in the mornings and ask her if there is anything you can do to help.  If nothing comes about from talking to her, or setting an earlier bedtime, then perhaps the old method of a cup of water on the head would be a better option?

Dear 6packmom

My children refuse to eat what I set out for them at dinner time.  Any suggestions?

LK

Have you actually taken a good look at what you are serving?  Have you yourself eaten it?  If you answered yes to both and still feel your cooking is good then here are a few suggestions.

Inform your children that if they do not wish to eat their dinner then you will undress right there at the table.  Trust me, the thought of their mother naked will get them gobbling up anything that may be on their plate!  Just be sure to follow through on that threat however.

If you are not prepared to get naked, then maybe serve dinner buffet style.  Most children are more willing to eat if they have a few options rather than being told what they have to eat.

Do not force them to “clean their plate” so called parenting experts suggest that by doing so you may actually enforce bad eating habbits and attitudes which may lead to eating issues later on in life.

If all else fails just let them be.  Do not allow them to leave the table until everyone else is done eating.  They won’t starve.

LOL Have any questions you want to shoot my way?  I will be more than happy to answer and offer what I can.

Till next time, the6packmom

Tales From The Toilet Roll

In Uncategorized on April 25, 2010 at 11:33 pm

Why is it that children are born with their brains already wired to learn so much, yet they really know nothing about the bathroom?  I don’t know about other people but in my house of plenty the bathroom has become a regular playroom of sorts, a place to hide away and build secret forts, the bedroom for various barbies, little people and stuffies.  A lab for water experiments, and other explosive experiments I won’t discuss.  It is a reading room, an art room (who needs wall paper when you have children to smear god knows what on the walls along side their art work that wasn’t done in washable markers.) The toilets in our house have become the local pool for polly pockets, hot wheels, barbies, and planet heroes.  My 3 year old loves to play “daddy” and “fix” the toilet.  By the time he’s done my whole bathroom has become the community pool and it is now time to play Joe the plumber.

The fact that toilet paper actually costs money has no effect on my children.  I have tried to explain to them that the cost of 10 rolls wasted could be payment towards a trip to McDonalds or some other adventure.  My talks are useless, they still think it is okay to use toilet paper as kleenex (even though we may well have 20 boxes of kleenex in the hall cupboard) The boys think it is hilarious to place toliet paper across the tolilet bowl and use it as a target for well I am sure you get the idea.  Then there is that 3 year old of mine again who for some reason feels the need to wipe himself after peeing.  HELLO!  You are a boy!  My two youngest think toilet paper was really mean’t to be stuck to their butt hanging down as a long tail.  Funny. Not.  The bottom line is where the hell does all the toilet paper go?!  Really do they maybe eat it?  I wouldn’t put it past them.  But seriously I can put a new roll on the toilet paper holder and by the end of the day the roll is empty.  Maybe it is better I don’t know what happens to it.

Electrical Storm

In Daily life, Uncategorized on April 25, 2010 at 11:26 pm

I was trying to ignore yet another autistic daily meltdown, when my 10 year old son started telling me about some electrical storm that is heading our way. According to him the internet is going to be wiped out over the next 24 hrs! Asperger children are never wrong about things like this! Before time runs out, my last blog will be dedicated to clearing up a few myths about what life is really like with six children and a traveling husband.  

Sex still happens, after all, this is how I was awarded my position in hell my household.  Be prepared though, it won’t always take place in the bedroom!

No wall paper required. My children have ripped it and drawn all over the walls.

The bathroom is the local hangout for planet heroes and polly pockets.

Toilet paper doesn’t replace itself.

Duct tape is always on hand to tie the children up for emergencies.

“Spotless” and” toy free home” are not in my vocabulary.

My sleeves have been used to wipe snotty noses, and my socking feet to wipe up spills on the floor. (admit it, you’ve done it).

All my children are talented. Cutting bed sheets at age 4, peeing everywhere except in the toilet, setting up cable in their bedroom on their own, being a first class brat, drawing on walls, & talking on the phone for hours.

There is no such thing as childproof.

Parents of large families DO fantasize about being childless, at least for a few hours.

Meltdowns happen daily and more than once.

Family time really means sending your children outside and enjoying a glass of wine – alone.

Benadryl is my best friend.

** This blog was written for a contest.

Yes! They are all mine

In Uncategorized on April 21, 2010 at 3:57 am

Confession # 1: I was one of those women, who looked at your children misbehaving and swore I would never allow my children to behave in that manner. That was before I had my six brats children.

“Are they all yours?” this is the question I get asked on a daily basis by random people who just happen to see me with six children. After a while I get tired of it and start giving the following responses:

“No I found them on the street.”

“What children?”

“Holy shit! Where did they come from?”

“Why? Do you want them?”

Seriously though, what kind of question is that? If I only had three children hanging on to me, you wouldn’t ask. So let’s get it straight here. For the record, yes, they are all mine. Yes they all have the same father. Yes, I actually gave birth to all of them, and no, the three year old brute was not a mistake.

I realize that having more than 4 children is not the norm these days. Heck having more than two isn’t, but this is my reality so bugger off and stop being so rude!

That being said you may ask yourself what makes me so special just because I have six children and you don’t. Well for starters, as mentioned they are all mine from my first and only marriage (so far). Second, I have two children that are autistic, and three, my husband is never here. Yeah, yeah I know most husbands are not here with you (at least emotionally) but they are with you physically, even if they can’t remember how many children you have or their names, but we’ll get to that later.

My husband is only here about every three months or so because he runs a business out of the Province, but I am okay with this arrangement and why shouldn’t I be? I get money when I want it, and when he finally gets his butt home I have long delicious sex – when I feel like it. But most importantly, I am not expected to have some fabulous dinner every night at the table waiting for my great husband to come home after a long hard day at work and say “Honey you are too good to be true.” Damn right I am!

 Finally what makes me special is that I am real. I am a wife, a mother of 6, an advocate for all my children, and a bitch with a capital B!

About the 6packmom

In About the 6packmom, Uncategorized on April 21, 2010 at 3:23 am

Move over reality shows here comes the6packmom!  Not only do I have 6 children under the age of 12 but two have special needs and the 7th child (aka the hubby) works out of the Province and is only home about every three months or so.  This loud house is never dull and I am not afraid to tell it as it is.  The funny times, the sad times and the OMG I need to cry and run away times!  So sit back and join me for a wild berry (or whatever your pleasure is) and let me fill you in on what life is really like with 6 brats wonderful children! Cheers!