8packmom

Posts Tagged ‘meltdown’

Mommy Meltdown

In Daily life on May 31, 2010 at 3:39 pm
March 23rd, 2010 by 6packmom

Today I cried.  I had finally had it.  Having children on the spectrum really sucks, and I have gone on for so long with just “dealing with it” every day that it finally happened.  Mummy meltdown.  Not to have a poor pity me session but seriously it was bound to happen.  How long did I think I could actually go on here with 6 children, no help, and two on the spectrum.  Granted there are other children who have far worse disabilities, but here in this household it is bad enough.  The worse thing about having a child on the spectrum is that the do not look like they have a disability.  They look so typical.  But back to the mummy meltdown.  It was probably brewing over March break as each child came down with a nasty stomach bug, one after the other.  So when it was back to school today I was glad to be back into the regular routine.  However, my Joshua had a rough time getting back into the school thing and didn’t want to go.  I finally managed to get him into the truck and over to the school, but once there he put up a terrible fight and wouldn’t get out.  I had to call out the VP who fortunately for me is a great guy and totally gets Joshua.  So after about 15 minutes of Joshua screaming, kicking, hitting and trying to run off, the VP managed to get him under control and into the school and so I left.

Then I cried.  Hard.  The flow of tears felt like it would never end.  For half an hour I allowed myself to scream “why me?”  I allowed myself to yell at all those ignorant people who claim Autism can be cured by diet, or other things that only give us parents false hope. I allowed myself to feel the guilt and shame that comes along when my son chases the garbage man in his truck down the street screaming for him to give back his stuff, or when he has violent outbursts, or when he has a meltdown in the grocery store.  I allowed myself to feel guilty about not being able to spend more quality time with my 4 typical children because Zak and Josh require me 24 / 7.  I allowed myself to be me, not the supermom people think that I am.

Then I stopped.  Wiped away the tears.  I am a wife, a bitch and the biggest advocate for my all of my children.  I am a momof6 who only has time to feel sorry for herself for about half an hour, once a month or so.  Times up. 

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Please….scream louder

In Uncategorized on May 23, 2010 at 5:46 am

Well little Zachary has had a rough few weeks but the other day was a real woozie.  I seriously thought his screaming and meltdowns couldn’t get any worse.  It did.  On our way home from school Friday I pulled out of the kiss n’ ride and he started crying about his seat belt not feeling right.  Joshua who knows all to well when things “don’t feel right” tried fixing his belt.  The screaming and crying got louder as he complained it was twisted. It wasn’t.  But to a child on the spectrum it doesn’t matter if we don’t see it twisted.  He feels it and can’t cope.  Just before we got to our house Joshua adjusted it again.  I park the car in the driveway and all hell breaks loose as he starts screaming for me to turn around and go back we have to start all over.  He kicks the seat infront of his and gets hysterical when I tell him we can’t go back. 

I will let you in on a secret.  When Joshua was about the same age if I did not take the exact route home every day the same thing would occur and he would beg through his screaming and tears to please go back and start again because it wasn’t right.  This was before I knew anything was wrong and felt as though I somehow did something to distress my own child that yes, I would actually turn around and start all over just so I wouldn’t have to deal with a two hour meltdown.  Thankfully gas was cheaper then!

After about fifteen minutes of Zachary still in the car hitting me, screaming and refusing to let me take his seat belt off I finally got him into the house where he screamed, ripped up a picture he had done in school, and then ran out of the house screaming for me to take him back and start again.  I brought him back in only to have a meltdown of swearing, throwing things, hitting me, scratching, jumping up and down and begging me to please take him back.  Finally he was exusted after about an hour of this and started banging his head on the chair as he rocked back and forth with his blankie.  My 6 year old daughter Arielle and 7 year old son Sebastian were happy he finally had stopped and came downstairs out of hiding.

It can be difficult some days – okay most days – but as my little Ryley continued to sleep through it all, and my other 4 sat around Zachary (not too close of course) to listen as I read Zaks library book “Franklin and the dark” I realized that I couldn’t have asked for 6 better children.